Friday, March 06, 2009

Avoiding the Big-D

There was a U-Haul truck in a neighbor's driveway yesterday, not a strange sight for an on-base neighborhood. But gossip travels fast in military housing and we're told that the neighbors are not moving away, just away from each other.

Divorce is frightening. I think because most of the time you don't see it coming until it's too late. By the time you realize that you're heading for--in the words of a recent country song--"the big-D (and I don't mean Dallas)", hearts have been hardened, bitterness has taken root, and salvaging the relationship is unlikely.

I pray that God will use even this event to turn my neighbors' hearts toward Him. This "near-miss" also soberly reminds me that the same can happen in any house on this block--including mine. I must remember my vows and ask God to strengthen me to keep them while I guard against the enemy of our marriage that lives within me (my own sinful nature).

Good examples of marriages are so helpful. Take this one for instance. I can't help but be impressed at how he studies and serves his wife. Look at these two questions he uses to love his wife comprehensively and let them challenge you.

Do you know how to surprise and delight your spouse in specific ways in each of these areas?

clothing sizes, styles, and stores
books and magazines
the arts
places to visit
intellectual interests
and, of course, sex

Do you know how your spouse is faring in each of these areas?

theological knowledge
practice of the spiritual disciplines
growth in godliness
spiritual gifts that can be used to serve others
involvement in the local church
relationships with children
relationships with parents
relationships with in-laws
relationships with friends
personal retreats

Let's take our marriage relationships seriously and thus avoid the big-D.


Kelly said...

"the big D" has been on my mind a lot lately, since 3 couples i know are either going through it, or have talked about it (2 of these couples are christians). i've never dealt with close friends going through this before, so it was very eye-opening.

The Haas' said...

I pray that more people would take this seriously. Divorce is devastating on so many levels and it always hurts more than just the husband and the wife! Thank you for posting this.