Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Pan Relay Races

It's time for another installment of Heroics in Parenting. Isaiah is sick, which brought this one to mind last night.

There is a race known only to parents of small, sick children. This race begins with a shock in the middle of the night. When you went to bed everything seemed fine and you looked forward to an enjoyable, peaceful night of rest. But sometime in the middle of the night a small voice breaks into your consciousness and you hear words like "Daddy, I feel like I'm gonna puke up." These words jar you into a quick reflex and you dash through the dark house (lest you wake other children) to the kitchen. You find a pot or pan (here is where Dad loses time reflecting on where one finds clean pots and pans in the kitchen) and sprint back to the child.

If you're successful you place the pan under the child's mouth in time, if not you scream at the other parent until they drag themselves out of bed and assist. Then dawns the realization that TWO pans are needed and after another dash to the kitchen (this time Dad remembers where pans are kept) the next phase of the course begins. Here is where a one-man relay begins as the parent rushes from child to toilet to sink (must rinse!) and back to the child.

When the first heat of the race is over, at least one parent will probably spend the rest of night in a weary alert status in the bed, poised for the next round to begin, when they again will sprint into action. And there will be no sleeping in the next morning if there are other children in the house. This is one more reason why parenting is for heroes (and it matters which side of the bed you sleep on).


boqpod said...

So I think your next blog should be a list of equipment parents should keep hanging on hooks by thier bedroom door which they can easily grab (in darkness) while dazed & dashing off to assist distressed kiddos. And how 'bout a panel grid connected to emergency buttons by each kid's bed--just like firemen! The panel grid indicates the location of distressed kiddo. You're giving me all sorts of patent ideas! thanks Tim!

Tim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tim said...

Dear boqpod,

Having equipment at the parents' bedside is a sensible idea--at least in most situations. I, for one, am glad that there were no pots nor pans near our bed last night seeing how I slept soundly through all the activity leaving my wife to respond. Actually, it's incorrect to say I slept through it all. I was reminded that when one child came to room saying she needed a pan I grunted at her and told her to go get her own pan. Alas, dear sir, I must needs read more Austen, I hear you say! Right you are! Right you are!

Valerie (Kyriosity) said...

Have you no plastic wastebaskets? The contents may even be hastily emptied on the floor for future retrieval.

Tim said...


We just bought a mesh garbage can but I guess that wouldn't work so well.

Valerie (Kyriosity) said...

Trash cans are cheap. Replace it. Unless you particularly like pan relay races! ;-)